Friday was a funny day in itself and one I will never forget. It was brought up twice about writing. Oh how God works even in the most strangest ways. My hubby John had already shared with me I should write, to pray about it and schedule time during the week to practice. It's not that I didn't believe him or questioned what he felt in his heart, but when you hear it from someone who doesn't know you at all and says it in the midst of your conversation... you wonder??? And I wondered.
I asked myself... Where do I begin...what do I write about??? All I know the only place I can begin is with the Lord. My life has been profoundly changed by Him. As far as I can remember, God has always been present in my life. Though I didn't know it was Him, I always thought of it as being my "conscience". It helped me to choose some right paths, but at times more than I wished I did I chose my own way. I also had a strong presence of evil, because I came from a dysfunctional family. It should have destroyed my life and there are many occasions where it could have happened, but it didn't. I can only say it was God and His protection.
When you grow up in a house where your father is an alcoholic, violent and abusive you grow messed up in many ways. Things happen you wish they never did. You see things, hear things, and experience things that bury you in fear. Fear is all you know and becomes your identity. It comes at you in many different ways and you don't know what to do. Then you ask God to enter those areas where fear has taken over. You ask Him to heal you, free you, restore those broken places and somehow He does. Not all at once, not in a way you think, but carefully, lovingly, miraculously and little by little your bend towards fear disappears. Now you can stand strong in who you were meant to be all along as I did. My scars didn't define me, they drew me. They drew me to the One who carefully heals me, who lovingly frees me and miraculously restores me.
These are the things I can write about. The faithfulness of God. We can "approach God's throne of grace with confidence so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need." [Hebrews 4:16 NIV] Jesus made the way, for He said, "I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through Me." [John 14:6 NIV] He's waiting, He's wanting, He's willing. "With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible." [Matthew 19:26 NIV]